Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Hits Home

Wow, where to start. I have to admit I have kept all my blog posts pretty light hearted so far and this one is going to be deep. For all of you bloggers out there, have you ever thought about writing a post and almost written a post, yet didn't? Maybe since I am still fairly new to the blogosphere and have not completely cracked out of my shell, it is still hard. Hard to just put it all out there.

Last Thursday I had a blog post I was going to submit that again was very light hearted, witty and carefree. I stopped from submitting it because I ended up having other things on my mind. My friend Teri from Sweet Surprises By Teri called me up from our local children's hospital to inform me that her son who just turned three last Monday has a brain tumor. *Sigh* They took him into surgery first thing Friday morning to remove the tumor. Teri is a very good friend of mine who I met through Noah's Ark Animal Workshop which I started once I found out my daughter was having brain surgery last year. I knew then I would have to stay at home. Teri does other businesses as well so when I opened my store this month she actually created my business tags, coupons and other marketing materials for me. She is truly GREAT! Teri has a four year old son as well that she takes care of full time. This news was devastating, to say the least. Johnathon (Teri's three year old) had not been feeling well for about a month now. He had been stumbling, throwing up, complaining of headaches, etc. First the doc said he had the flu, then it was 'oh he is a typical three year old who is just off balance' whatever like Teri wouldn't know if her son was usually off balance. I mean come on, I know little ones take time learning balance but do they learn it then lose it again right before they turn three? A mother knows when something is wrong. So of course after a few weeks of worrying Teri finally had enough and demanded a scan be done. Sure enough, tumor! Now we talked over the weeks about him not feeling well and even though I could hear in Teri's voice that something was wrong, I NEVER thought tumor. That night I couldn't sleep. I was worried. No, I was scared to death for Teri. I know you are thinking, for Teri?! Don't you mean Johnathon... Yes I was worried about Johnathon of course but for me this was like re-living my daughter's surgery last year. I know what I went through and never wanted anyone to go through that. Of course for those of you who don't know, Gab's surgery and Johnathon's were completely different. Gab did not have a tumor.

A quick recap: Gab had a stroke when she was in utero and was born with Cerebral Palsy, then came Epilepsy, mood disorder and ADHD. For years we had done medication to control her seizures and therapy to help with her CP but last year her seizures got out of control. They were causing brain damage and were happening daily. The neurologist said the only way to stop them was to remove part of her brain. So I, like Teri, had to go through all the warnings of the surgery. Gab had the whole left side removed so we were not sure if she would talk, walk or ever wake up the same, again. The wonderful Make-a-Wish Foundation sent us to Disney World before her surgery, another great story for another day.

Back on track. So I knew the neurosurgeons working on Johnathon and also know there are many wonderful people praying for him. I couldn't stop worrying about Teri. I was so afraid that she would go through what I did. Not knowing what would happen come surgery, not knowing if Johnathon would wake up and know who she was. That feeling never goes away. You can push it down and try to clear the image from your mind but it's there, forever. I went to the hospital during the day Friday to sit with Teri while Johnathon was in surgery. I was not able to stay the whole day due to picking up kids from school. But the little time I was there, seeing Teri with her swollen eyes and worried looks, just broke my heart. The memories of sitting in that surgery waiting room, the same smell, the same lights and sounds... The same fear. The fear of losing your child. The feeling of no control. The anticipation to hear everything went okay, to see your child and to know they are the same. Words truly can't describe it. I was so nervous yet hopeful! When Gab went into the hospital for surgery she was supposed to be in and out in two weeks, well let's say FOUR MONTHS. When she woke up from surgery she knew no one. That night she cried for her mommy and when I went to her side eagerly, knowing she said my name, she did not know me. At one point she asked me to go get her mommy. *Sigh of broken heart* All I kept thinking and feeling last Thursday night and Friday were those same exact feelings again. Scared to death that Teri would have to feel that. Thank God that afternoon when Johnathon came out of surgery he was himself and he knew his parents. YAY! That was so important for me to hear. Unfortunately his tumor was cancer and their hospital road is not yet over. Although they will be able to go home within the next few days, soon they will start the chemo and radiation process. Something I was fortunate to know nothing about.
*Please pray*

Now a year ago when Gab was going through all this I created her a web page to inform family and friends of her progress throughout the surgeries. I created it at Sampa which was great for us. We were able to password protect it and all. I have a ton of photos and stories to go along. Unfortunately I did not continue keeping it updated against popular demand. The difficult times were hard enough for me to manage, writing about it was overwhelming. I believe I am ready now to finish the story. So I would like advice. Should I go back to Sampa and redo her old site or create a blog here? I read how I can make it private for only readers I add, yet they have to create a login. Has anyone done this? It might be easier to have both blogs in the same location. If the readers are required to have a login at either place then would it matter? Advice appreciated.


Mommyhood is Thankless said...

I would post it with the public stuff, that way someone who is stumbling along going thru similar situations can find comfort from someone who made it through it.

I understand the hospital waiting room feelings, I am extremely sensitive to pain killers and anesthetics (both times I had an epidural my heart rate slowed considerably and they had to take me off the drugs STAT). My daughter had open heart surgery when she was 1 year old, and I was so afraid she wasn't going to make it out of surgery. She did make it out thank God, but every millisecond was agony!

As I was saying someone may need the support, ideas that helped you through it,etc. It will be easier for them to find it ona public blog.

Mommyhood is Thankless said...

As far as the name and pictures go, I personally try to keep those to a minimum. I know it may sound paranoid but with my first child I find out someone was passing photos of her off as their child. Even without that happening I just worry about the freaks out there. I wouldn't make it no pics ever but I would certainly limit it, and give them a nickname rather than their real name.

If you really trust someone, sure share your photobucket or whatever. Otherwise keep the pictures limited.

Ronnica said...

Sorry to hear about what you and your friend and your families have gone through/are going through.

Tenakim said...

sorry, that sound very tough. Good luck.

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